By Mimiy Ikpeazu
I saw a dude today at a fuel station, and even though I said I’d mostly go for people in the same social socio economic status or higher, I thought this dude was so beautiful, and I jokingly told my friends, see as this guy fine, I don see husband ooo. They immediately warned me, “what is this, Mimiy a fuel attendant, I reject it for you biko”. And I also immediately rejected it too, even though I was just kidding. 😂😂😂 But it got me thinking, why isn’t it as easy for a woman to be with just anyone? A wealthy man can be enamored by a girl roasting corn and immediately approach and date, maybe even marry her. But it isn’t the same with women. Why the hypergamous approach to love by women?
Hypergamy is a woman’s proclivity to mate (for lack of a better term) with the best possible man she can ‘find’. Socio-economic status recognition is an innate drive in females. While men are designed to sow their seeds, women are designed to seek provisioning and safety, it’s a biological drive, men usually practice Hypogamy, marrying women of lower economic and social status, as respect, power and control matter most to them. While this is the norm and that’s ok, why the vehemence and outcry when other people want to be ‘different’, that’s my point. Do you, but let others be. I admire people who are able to do things that I cannot.
I’m not your typical, ‘brave, in your face, fearless’ kinda woman, which is why I am naturally drawn to the likes of Rihanna and Madonna, who are everything that I am not but wish I could be, a person that’s devoid of the fear of public persecution. I care about what people think, and I believe many other people are that way. I won’t say it’s due to my upbringing because my parents are Gypsies at heart. They are probably more liberal and broad minded than I could ever be. I also admire unlikely relationships, because I’m so stringent in the rules governing mine. I like marriages between older woman/younger man, people of different social class, those relationships that are outside the norm, because it reinforces my innate beliefs about romantic love, that it is so great and all encompassing that it conquers all. But I never want to step outside the norm, and the few times I do, I let fear and apprehension kill the vibe. And I realize that it is because of the social comparative process we are all brought up and are judged by.
The society says be yourself, but then they mean, ‘be yourself within the confines of the box we’ve set for you’, never outside of it. Humankind has a natural propensity for conformity, as that makes people
easier to manage. Conformity is an evolutionary trait, it is not just learned but one that is innate, and I’ve read that it is more pronounced in humans than other primates. So it is all about control. I do agree judgement is sometimes necessary as too much liberalism is a slippery slope, (but then that argument is also flawed because it seems to be an acceptance of a succession of series of events without direct evidence that these events will occur) but hey, you know what I mean. Eg, if we vote to legalize marijuana, then it opens the floodgates of drug being abused by the entire world. Might be true or not. So while, a certain amount of conservatism and rules are necessary to ensure a total we don’t fall into nihilistic mobocracy, people should still be allowed to just live.
So my friends, why do you think that hypergamy is on the rise, despite women earning more, being more, achieving more, why is it that the richer a woman is, the richer the circle of men she desires. It’s almost like, the drive for success is more important than emotions. I like to understand what I feel, why I feel them, analyze my emotions carefully because I’ve realized a lot of people don’t even question what they do, they just do, that’s why many people do not evolve, do not grow or change for the better. It’s almost like, it is what it is I cannot come and kill myself, this is just how I am, but why though? I can’t stop asking why. 🤭 So yeah, why do you think women are that way?
Please don’t point out the exceptions that abound, I’m interested in opinions as to why it is largely expected, even encouraged.
Legal practitioner Mimiy Ikpeazu is a contributing writer to the Atlantic Post.