By Esiri Ukueku-Uduaghan
One of the major reasons I’m a Feminist are the two amazing sons by whom God has granted me the privilege to be called Mother.
These great Men (now boys) have been placed in my custody by divinity and I have an obligation to guide them aright.
I want them to understand that there is a value to respect. Respect is earned and not granted as a matter of course by virtue of the possession of a phallus.
I do not want them to shortchange themselves like their predecessors have foolishly done based on their perception and subjugation of women. But rather to see their female counterparts as equals, so as to harness all that greatness inherent in women lying fallow for aeons, in furtherance of a prosperous soceity.
I want them to desire for themselves and enjoy the luxury of marrying Strong, Brilliant, Progressive Thinking Black Women, such as the likes of Michelle Obama without nursing the fear that they will not measure up or be submerged by her fabulosity. To become the wind beneath her wings and not her saboteur.
Unlike the average Nigerian man, who is all Bricks and Stones on the outside, while Drowning and Dying on the inside because patriarchy has taught him that Vunerability = Weakness, (God forbid!!) I want them to be able to depend on the capabilities and abilities of their wives, to be able to cry, be emotional, be vulnerable, bask in the totality of their humanity without being stigmatised for it.
I want them to be able to achieve their dreams via the support of their spouses same as they support their spouses to acheive theirs, establishing a Synergy worthy of building an Empire.
I never want anyone to ask if they were nursed by the breasts of cows rather than that of a woman, as the average patriarchial male is bereft of compassion and sensitivity in character.
I’m preparing them to be able to excel in leaps and bounds in a Gender Equal International World far beyond a country rife with the backwardness of Patriarchy.
I want them to be able to look Misogyny and Chauvinism in the eye and shun them all the way to hell. To Hades with that kind of mediocrity!!
I want them to break free from the shackles and bondage of Patriarchial customs that have held great men bound and bask in the progressive light and outstanding/ limitless benefits of feminism.
I want them to be Strong because they can be, Powerful because they are, Leaders because they are qualified to Lead and not because some soceital system/religious doctrine has created for them a fictitious sense of strength and defacto leadership. A system that projects lily livered men as lions and promotes the entitled & fallacious ideology that they can get Something for absolutely Nothing. Hell No!!!
I want them to be limitless in every respect possible and absolutely complete in themselves and not have to depend on marriage or the presence of a woman to do for them what they can do for themselves.
My sons will not marry simply because they need a woman to cook, wash and clean for them (they are way better than that) their choice to marry shall be predicated on the finding of a Life Partner with whom they can build a future.
I want them to denounce obnoxious customs and traditions based on an inbred incapacity to stomach wickedness.
Im teaching them to understand and practice the true meaning of the Bible’s instruction to #Love thy neighbour as themselves# and not as their inferior or as their subordinate and to #Do unto others that which they expect to be done to them# thereby learning to treat fellow humans (irrespective of gender) the exact same way they would desire that they be treated.
My sons will dish out respect and demand that it be reciprocated. They would love wholeheartedly and be sincerely loved in return. They would give back to their society so much more than it gave to them.
I’m not just raising sons, I’m bringing up Kings who are worthy and deserving of Queens.
This is why I’ll actively and vocally keep fighting tirelessly for a more gender equal society for my sons.
I’ve got the two most adorable sons in the world, they deserve the best, they deserve Feminism.
Feminism is a Righteous Cause.
Esiri Ukueku-Uduaghan is a Lagos based lawyer, feminist and social commentator.